Ok guys. Here is THE update.
The ultimate culprit (hopefully) was.........drum roll please....................
THE STATOR!!!!
I had checked the CKP previously, but it checked out fine. Where I ran into trouble was my peak voltage tester. It was bad.
With new leads from Amazon I retested the coils. Still had proper battery voltage, but one coil didn't read ANY initial voltage upon cranking, while the other read within tolerance. I then rechecked the peak voltage at the PCM and sure enough, same thing.
So, while I feel pretty confident I have found the problem, I'm not out of the woods yet. However, I'm confident enough to drop $400 on a new stator if that tells you anything.
Of course, I'll update yall after it comes in and I get it installed. Fingers crossed. (I've been wrong about thinking I was wrong before 😜)
Thanks again for all your help!